Friday, August 19, 2011

10 Movie Tips on How to Pick Up Chicks …

Guys always get the girl in the movies, have you noticed? No matter what they do, how dorky or hairy or homicidal or magical they are, the hero (or villain) invariably winds up with the girl. How do they do it? Is it charm, charisma, prowess? Movie guys have some slick tricks up their sleeves, and I thought the average Joes out there might need some advice on how to mimic some of the most amazing men in movies. Ladies, you can benefit from these too – if you see a guy doing any of these things for you, make sure you snatch him up at once! Trust me, y’all, this list of tips for picking up chicks from the movies is way better than Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

1. Sparkle

If you want to know how to get girls, look no further than the Twilight Saga. You heard me, fellas. Edward Cullen should be your go-to for relationship advice. When you play it like he does, it doesn’t matter if you want to eat your date, if your family members try to kill her, or if she’s attracted the attention of the neighborhood werewolf – you just have to sparkle like a gold glitter dusted god in the sunlight!

2. Get Her Lotion

Get Her Lotion
Girls love lotion, you know. If you give us something to make our skin soft and silky, we’ll stay with you forever – especially if you shove us down a well! Technically speaking, Buffalo Bill definitely knows how to pick up chicks. He also plays it smart by offering his ladies a choice: “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.” I will always take the St. Ives.

3. Feed Her

Feed Her
The fastest way to a man’s heart might be through his stomach, but girls like to eat, too. Ladies, if you meet a guy who feeds you, he might be a keeper. If you meet a cute little “tramp” who shares strands of spaghetti and then kisses you when you meet in the middle, you best slap a leash on that boy!

4. Play a Romantic Ballad

Play a Romantic Ballad
You know which movie character knows how to pick up chicks like a boss? Lloyd Dobler, that’s who. Ask my BFF, she will extol the virtues of Lloyd for you. Guys, to let the girl of your dreams know it’s for real, do not be afraid to stand out in her yard with a ginormous boombox held high over your head, playing the ballad of your choice. As long as your choice is “In Your Eyes.”

5. Be an International Man of Mystery

Be an International Man of Mystery
You know who gets a lot of women? Bond. James Bond. James gets the girl wherever he goes. Sometimes he gets more than one. Sometimes he gets more than one at the same time. He is a chick magnet. So, you know, just become an internationally renowned, ultra smooth British Secret Service agent.

6. Share a Shower

Share a Shower
Sometimes you have to use guile (and sharp pointy things) to get the girl. Norman Bates is well aware of the romance and intimacy inherent in sharing a shower with the girl you like. We like sharing hot showers with our men, you know. However, the whole knife-wielding aspect is purely optional.

7. Cruise the High School

Cruise the High School
David Wooderson has the best well kept secret to picking up chicks. You just go after high school girls! You get older, they stay the same. In this day and age, David would probably be driving around in a van with lots of candy. You know, on second thought, do not follow his example.

8. Creep on Her

Creep on Her
Every girl wants her own Prince Charming – but it’s actually Prince Phillip who knows how to get the girl. You just sneak into her house and kiss her while she’s sleeping. A tamer version of this tip involves creeping on her Facebook, but c’mon, that’s just boring in comparison.

9. Have a Cool Scar

Have a Cool Scar
Even if you can’t defeat the darkest wizard in all the land a number of times, be universally recognized as the Chosen One, kick butt as a Quidditch superstar, or make people do your bidding with the aid of your magic wand, you can still rock a cool star. Look at Harry Potter: at first the whole world was sure Hermione was in love with him, Cho was totally willing to play hard to get, and Ginny’s been in love with him forever. If this feels, just act like Draco. As Pansy will tell you, bad boys have their own appeal.

10. Get Her with Child

Get Her with Child
Finally, if you’re not all that cool, if you’re the epitome of the beta male, all’s not lost. You just have to take a page from Paulie Bleeker’s book on picking up chicks. His dorky nature is his secret weapon. According to Juno, this is a sure way to get the ridiculously adorable, witty girl from down the street!
Who knew, you know? I’m telling you, though: if you follow these awesome tips for picking up chicks from the movies, you’ll never spend another Saturday night by yourself. Whether you’re hanging out at the high school, in a back alley, the shower, or the nearest abandoned cellar well, you’ll have the girl of your dreams right there with you. True, she might be unconscious or screaming for help, but no one’s perfect. Think any of these tips will work for you?
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