Firewater Friday - Ooo, those goody-goody Smurfs make me sick!

Smurfs . . . you think their sweet and nice and cute with all that skipping around and la-la-la-la and whatnot. But think about it . . . they are the most narcissistic creatures . . . like . . . ever! Everything is smurf this and smurfy that. "Have a smurfy day." "You're so smurfy" "I feel smurfy." "Isn't that just smurfy!"

If they had it their way we would replace every adjective, nouns and some verbs with the word 'smurf'. I could just choke!

And what does all that smurfiness mean, anyway? Is being smurfy a good thing or a bad thing? What if you told someone to go smurf themselves or go smurf off? That can't be very nice right?


When they get all excited someone always says "Now Now! We all need to smurf down!" What the heck is that supposed to mean?

And, what's with Papa Smurf? Who died and left him lord, god, king of all smurfs? Why doesn't any smurf question his authority? I know why . . . he's drugging them all. It's a well known fact that Papa Smurf is all into chemistry and is always whipping up all sorts of concoctions. Smurf knows what kind of smurfy stuff he's slipping into their water supply!


He's even usurped the Bible and created his own. A quote from John 3:16 in the King Smurf Version:


"For God so smurfed the world that He smurfed His only begotten Son, so that whoever besmurfs in Him shall not perish but have eversmurfing life."

And, how come there's only one girl smurf? What's up with that? I'll tell you what. Before she came along the smurf village was an all boys club! I'm not sure exactly how they reproduced but I'm sure it was messy. Anyhoo, Smurfette was actually created by the smurfs nememis Gargamel to create strife and jealousy among the smurfs. When that didn't work he tried to use her to lure the smurfs to his lair because smurfs are yummy!

How many times can you say smurf before you go absolutely batty?

I guess if I were a smurf I'd be Grouchy Smurf . . . cuz i'm sure not feeling the smurfy love.


Smurf this, smurf-hat!

I think Gargamel and Azreal had the right idea. Just sayin'.